• “just for One Day” Practices

    Late last year, I posted a series of “mindfulness quickies” – practices that could be done in 2 minutes or less. Today, I’m going to present some practices that are exactly one day long.

    Before I present some of these practices, I’d like to describe what I think is the ideal mindset with which to approach these practices: the science experiments you did in high school. You remember those, I’m sure.

    You were told to set up your equipment, run the experiment, make some measurements or observations, analyze the results and reach a conclusion. Pretty straightforward (minus the lab partner who kept making you laugh, perhaps).

    The key point of the whole thing was that you didn’t know what was going to happen, and it didn’t matter!

    You didn’t care what the outcome would be, because all you were interested in was data. Information. You needed the data to reach a conclusion. That’s what the “just for one day” practices are for – to collect data and reach a conclusion.

    Let’s walk through a first practice. For one day, you will be more kind than usual, “extra kind”, you might say. You’ll try to consciously be more kind to friends, family, colleagues and strangers. Just be extra kind. For one day. See what happens.

    At the end of the day, you’ll analyze the data: did this day feel any different? How? How did people respond to you being extra kind? What “results” did you get?

    That’s it! You ran an experiment and you collected some data, and you have a conclusion. That conclusion could be “nothing happened”, or it could be “that felt pretty good”, or it could be “that was super insightful”.

    Whatever the outcome, the important thing is that you tried something consciously and you got the results. You learned.

    So here are some other “experiments” you can try running, just for one day:

    • compliment everyone you meet on some item of clothing or jewelry
    • do not complain about ANYTHING for the whole day
    • when anyone asks you how you are, answer “Fabulous!”
    • do not look at a single screen (phone, tablet, reader, desktop or TV)
    • use your non-dominant hand for everything except writing

    These are just a few examples of some “just for one day” experiments you can run. Think of some others that you might want to experiment with. Doing these practices will naturally increase your mindfulness. You’ll pay attention to things you would normally overlook. And you’ll learn things about yourself that you wouldn’t otherwise.

    Your life is your laboratory. Use it that way. You’ll be amazed at how much you can learn.

  • Thinking on Purpose

    Have you ever heard a child who has broken something or hurt someone exclaim “I didn’t do it on purpose”?

    That line is used as a kind of excuse, a justification suggesting that it was accidental, not intentional, and therefore the kid shouldn’t be punished for it.

    I’d like to apply that concept to the act of thinking. A lot of people assume that if you’re into mindfulness, then you’re “against” thinking. Not so! I’m a huge fan of thinking. I do a lot of thinking myself. The difference is, I do it on purpose.

    Thinking on purpose is vastly different than the type of mindless, automatic, barely conscious thinking that tends to accompany most people from the moment they wake up to the moment they fall asleep again at night. That type of thinking is what I affectionately call “blah-blah” thinking.

    Blah-blah thinking is so constant that we tend to not even notice its presence. It follows us throughout the day like our shadow. It goes round and round in circles, repeating the same platitudes all day long, having a conversation with someone, as if there were someone listening and dialoging with us when in fact there’s nobody there.

    Thinking on purpose is radically different from blah-blah thinking. Thinking on purpose is conscious. It is chosen, intentional. It has, well, a PURPOSE. I’ve spent much of the last hour thinking on purpose about this blog post – what I would say, how I would structure the post, what the key points would be, and so on.

    Thinking on purpose is a superpower! We all have it, and we all can tap into its power whenever we want. Like I said, I’m a huge fan.

    I am not, however, a huge fan of blah-blah thinking. That kind of thinking takes up space in our awareness, leaving us less mental horsepower for truly being present, and really experiencing what we’re experiencing. Blah-blah thinking is like a veil. You can still see everything, but not as clearly as you would without it.

    Thinking on purpose adds value. Blah-blah adds nothing of value. It’s like having a generator running constantly in your back yard even though there’s no power outage. It’s consuming energy but not producing anything useful.

    My suggestion is that you start noticing blah-blah thinking. Just notice, nothing more. When you notice thoughts constantly running, ask yourself, is this blah-blah thinking or am I thinking on purpose. If you conclude that it’s blah-blah, take a pause and spend a few moments really looking around, really seeing, hearing and feeling what’s happening right where you are. That’s it! That’s the whole practice. Just notice the blah-blah, and redirect your attention to the senses. Just this simple practice can be a game-changer.

    If you find, however, that your thinking is really addressing an important issue, then continue to do it, on purpose. And be grateful that you have this amazing superpower. It’s a real gift.

  • The four Apps Practice

    First, a metaphor: You know how your cell phone can tell you how much energy each of your apps is consuming at any point in time, even though some of them are running in the background? This gives valuable information about what’s happening in your phone. This is a good metaphor for our minds and is a useful way to think about your attention. 

    It is possible, at any point in time, to know what is using up your attention. You can learn to assess how much of your attention each “app” that is running in your brain is consuming. That’s what this practice is about. 

    At any moment in time, you can imagine that there are four apps running and consuming or taking up a certain amount of your attention. You will be roughly assessing which one is getting the biggest share.

    The four apps are:

    1) doing

    2) thinking, 

    3) feeling, and 

    4) sensing. 

    DOING is what you’re up to, whatever task you’re performing at the time.

    THINKING is what’s going on in your head.

    FEELING is what’s coming up, either as an emotion or a bodily state. It is focused inwards.

    SENSING is what you are perceiving that’s going on in your immediate environment. It is focused outwards.

    It’s important to recognize that all four “apps” are going on all day long! All four apps are running, but some are running in the background. This is normal! But most of the time, we’re simply not aware of how much of our attention is being taken up by each of the four apps.

    So we pause and we ask ourselves, 

    How much of my attention is being consumed by what I’m DOING?

    How much of my attention is being consumed by what I’m THINKING?

    How much of my attention is being consumed by what I’m FEELING?

    How much of my attention is being consumed by what I’m SENSING?

    What’s getting the largest share of my attention? 

    Which of the four apps is taking up the largest share of your attention right now? Whichever one is getting more than the others is your FOCUS. 

    Try languaging it this way: “right now, my primary focus is X”.

    Right now, my primary focus is what I’m doing (writing this post). What’s yours?

    The point of this practice is not to judge what’s getting your attention as good or bad, nor to try to change it. For the time being, just NOTICE which one is getting most of your attention.

    Why we do this practice

    What’s normal is not always healthy. The central issue is that thought is typically taking up TOO MUCH of our attention. The problem isn’t that we’re thinking, it’s that we’re not aware that our thinking is using up too much energy (in the cell phone metaphor) and eating up our focus. Paying attention to our thoughts has become a habit, a not-very-useful-but-hard-to-kick habit, or even an addiction (as in, we really want to stop but we just can’t).

    Pausing and doing this practice brings you into the moment, where you can notice what’s getting your attention. Knowing where attention is going is the first step to having control over attention, which is attentional intelligence.

  • Simplifying mindfulness

    I have an issue with most of the widely accepted definitions of mindfulness. They never resonated with me. They kind of don’t make total sense.

    Here’s what Wikipedia provides as a definition: “Mindfulness is the cognitive skill, usually developed through meditation, of sustaining meta-attentive awareness towards the contents of one’s own mind in the present moment.”

    Seriously?!

    Good luck selling mindfulness with that definition!

    Jon Kabat-Zinn defines mindfulness this way: “Mindfulness is awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgementally, in the service of self-understanding and wisdom.”

    I love Kabat-Zinn, but…really? Does it take that many words?

    Too many words just confuses people. It also leads to uncertainty. For instance, do we really understand what is meant by the words “awareness that arises”? Does awareness arise? Did my awareness arise just then? I’m not sure.

    I think we could all benefit from a really simple definition. Here’s my attempt at it.

    Mindfulness is two things: knowing that you’re aware AND being aware of whatever you’re experiencing right now.

    Think about that for yourself. Right now. You do know that you’re aware. And are you, right now, aware of whatever you’re experiencing? Yes? Then you’re mindful.

    Practice that, and you’ll be living a mindful life. Here’s to simplicity.

  • My New Year’s Intention

    It’s not quite the same thing as a New Year’s resolution, but a New Year’s intention is more open,  more flexible,  more spacious than the word resolution has room for. I hope you’ll join me in trading your resolutions for intentions.

    An intention leaves more room for false starts, wrong turns, and screwups. An intention let’s you save face. And it makes it resist to forgive yourself and start over. It admits that you’re human after all.

    My intention for 2025 is to unleash my creativity.  I intend to let my creative side go a little bit crazy over the coming year. That means removing any obstacles and impediments that might be holding it back.

    Look out for bolder blog posts,  unpredictable content and maybe an iconoclastic idea or twenty!

    No sacred cow, no ideology will be off limits. I’ll go for the jugular when it feels right. And most importantly,  I’m going to have FUN!

    Creativity will be given all the freedom it wants.  I’m already looking forward to seeing what I come up with!

    In the meantime,  why not see if you can reframe YOUR  resolution into an intention?

  • How to have a mindful holiday

    The holiday season is upon us and for a lot of people, that can mean additional stress that, frankly, we don’t need. Typical stresses include the stress of long-standing family patterns playing out, or abandoning our diets and exercise routines, or spending money we don’t have, staying up late and over-consuming.

    How can we bring a bit more mindfulness to this year’s season?

    I’ll offer two tips: permission to be human, and memento mori.

    Permission to be human means going into the season acknowledging that parts of it won’t go the way you want You’ll have intentions that you’ll fail to live up to. You’ll experience unwanted emotions. You may even do stuff you regret later. In other words, typical human stuff.

    There can sometimes be real relief in just giving ourselves permission to be human. It can lighten the load of expectations we place on ourselves. So instead of setting the expectation that when the conversation turns to politics, you’ll bite your tongue and just nod along with everyone, set the expectation that you’ll probably jump in and speak your peace and upset a few people, but you’ll make a conscious effort to stay respectful. The first expectation is one you’re almost certain to fail to live up to. The second one is doable.

    To make your holiday more mindful, then, is also to make it intentional. And setting intentions needs to be done with compassion for your all-too-human failings. If you tend to overeat, acknowledge that, and maybe set an intention to overeat just a little bit, and maybe to eat less at other meals, and maybe to go for walks after meals. Working WITH our nature rather than AGAINST it can make a world of difference.

    The second tip is memento mori, the Stoic expression for remembering that death is our constant companion on this earth. It’s not the happiest topic for the holidays, but remembering that this COULD be your last one can really amp up your appreciation, your gratitude, and especially your tolerance for other people’s annoying habits.

    For example, let’s say you have a family member who typically drinks too much and gets loud and obnoxious, and this really bothers you. Simply remembering that this could be the last time that the two of you will be together can help you relax and accept them for who and what they are. Maybe you’ll appreciate some of their other qualities. And more importantly, you’ll let them be exactly who they actually are, rather than who you wish they were.

    Or maybe the turkey will be overcooked, like it always is, and you hate dry, rubbery turkey. Memento mori means this could be the last time you ever get to eat it. Maybe you’ll taste it more. Maybe you’ll appreciate the side dishes and the condiments more. Maybe you’ll appreciate the efforts of whoever cooked it, knowing that at least they made the effort and took the time.

    You don’t need to be morose about memento mori. Just remember that EVERY holiday season is a gift. You’re here! You made it another year. The Fates granted you one more holiday season. Are you grateful for it? Can you use the power of your attention to really appreciate all that it offers? Can you see it as a chance to tell the people you love that you love them? A chance that there was never a guarantee that you would get to have this year, and yet you do have it.

    Remember that what you choose to shine the light of attention on can greatly change your experience of any situation, including the holidays. Shine the light on the simple gift of just being here and sharing moments with loved ones – I think that will be enough mindfulness practice until next year. Happy holidays!

  • My pet peeve: people who say there’s no wrong way to meditate

    Maybe you’ve heard or read this: someone is trying to explain meditation, and at some point they insert the comment “there’s really no wrong way to meditate”. And immediately, I feel some anger arising in my gut.

    For me, that’s like saying “there’s really no wrong way to do bodybuilding” or “there’s really no wrong way to learn to play the piano”. Those statements all miss the point! The point is that there are excellent, proven methods that produce results quickly and reliably.

    I suppose you could learn to play the piano simply by sitting down at a piano and noodling around randomly hitting keys. But you probably wouldn’t progress nearly as quickly as someone who takes lessons with a qualified teacher and using a proven method such as the Alfred, the Bastien or the Suzuki method.

    By the same token, you could get a sculpted body by lifting weights in your basement, but you’d make a lot more progress by going to a gym and hiring a personal trainer. You’d also learn to prevent injuries, eat a high protein diet, and alternate heavy days with high repetition days, and so on.

    Meditation is not a single practice, it’s a set of practices. I personally have taught over 50 different types of meditation over the last 40 years. I’ve seen some types that really work well with some students but not others. I was able to experiment with different methods for each student until we hit upon one that they enjoyed and made rapid progress with.

    People learning to meditate face some serious challenges, like finding the time, falling asleep, wandering minds and persistent rumination. A good teacher has tips and tricks for dealing with all of these.

    A good coach helps not just with technique, but also with motivation, performance anxiety and resilience. That applies to sports coaches, executive coaches and mindfulness coaches. It’s not unusual to hit a plateau and get discouraged when you’re trying to master a skill. That’s when a good coach is super useful.

    The hallmark of a good meditation practice is that it produces results – a calmer, more stable mind, better concentration, lower stress, and the ability to be much more present in your life. If those sound like benefits you would like, my suggestion is to find a qualified teacher and use proven methods.

    On the other hand, if you just want to noodle around with different types of practice, I certainly won’t object. Maybe you’ll turn out to be the Jimi Hendrix of meditation – completely self-taught. Good luck with that!

  • Mindfulness “Quickie” for the Super Busy: #4

    This is the last in a series of four mindfulness quickies for the super busy. I’ve tried to keep them simple and very quick. They shouldn’t take more than a couple of minutes to do. They’re no substitute for a mindfulness practice, but they’re better than nothing.

    This last quickie is a reflection exercise. It requires you to “hit the pause button” – that’s the key. Whatever you’re doing, you consciously choose to stop for a brief moment to reflect.

    You can do this exercise almost anywhere and anytime. Just stop for a few seconds. Stop doing whatever you’re doing. The key is to remember to do it!

    You might want to set an alarm on your phone to go off at a random time. Or you might do this one BETWEEN activities, like right after a meeting, or right before a workout.

    Stop and ask yourself, “what am I up to right now?”

    I like this question because it really gets at your motives. You could simply reflect on “what am I doing right now” but that won’t be as powerful as asking “what am I up to”.

    Let’s say you’re having a conversation with your child. That’s what you’re DOING. But reflecting on what you’re up to may surface that you’re actually trying to change their behaviour. Or you’re avoiding bringing up a difficult topic. Or you’re trying to really connect with them because you’ve been absent a lot lately and you’re feeling guilty about it.

    The question of what you’re up to will surface a lot more about your purpose, your wishes, and your fears in a given moment than simply examining what you’re doing.

    And that’s today’s quickie. 2 simple steps: 1) hit the pause button; and 2) ask yourself, “what am I up to right now?”

    If you try this one (or should I say, “WHEN you try this one), you’ll be amazed at what comes up. Because our actions almost always have some intentionality to them that we’re not fully aware of. We’re up to something, but we don’t really know what it is unless we stop and reflect. Even for a few seconds.

    What we’re up to isn’t usually front of mind, but it isn’t down deep in the unconscious either. It’s usually pretty accessible. It just takes a moment of reflection. Try it and see for yourself.

  • Mindfulness “Quickies” for the Super Busy: #3

    This is my third instalment of a series for the super busy. You know who you are!

    This Quickie is all about your emotional state. Spending a minute or two inquiring into your emotional state can help prevent your emotions from hijacking your mind and actions.

    Here’s a 3-step process I like to use for assessing my emotional states. First you determine the VALENCE of your current emotional state (more on that in a minute), then you assess the INTENSITY of your emotional state, and lastly your choose the most precise LABEL for your state. Let’s go into each of these steps in a little more detail.

    The first step in doing an inquiry into your emotional state is to ask yourself, is my overall state closer to being positive or negative. Alternative questions might be: Do I “feel good” or do I “feel bad” right now? Would I say I’m in a good mood or a bad mood? Do I feel more like getting something I need or want (food, water, exercise, fun, or some lovin’) or do I feel more like getting away from this situation, by leaving, hiding, avoiding or lashing out?

    When assessing valence, try to force yourself to choose positive or negative. Even of it’s a tiny bit positive or a tiny bit negative, try to avoid saying “Neutral”. This will help with the next steps.

    The second step is to ask yourself what the intensity of the emotion is. Think of the difference between being annoyed, being angry, and being furious. Those would be examples of low, medium or high intensity. Another example would be feeling “blah”, feeling sad, or feeling deeply depressed. Low, medium or high intensity. You could also ask yourself, how much energy does this emotional state have? How compelled do I feel to do something about it?

    OK, now you have the valence, and the intensity. Time to find the right label.

    Important note: don’t forget about positive states! They’re just as important as negative ones. Often when we think of “being emotional”, we limit our thinking to the more negatively charged emotions. Please make sure to notice positive states as well, like excitement, curiosity, engagement, love, connection, peace, calm, joy, etc.

    OK. Lastly, try to think of the perfect label for your emotional state. Try to go beyond sad, mad, glad or scared. There are dozens, even hundreds of words to describe emotional states. Expand your vocabulary. Maybe you’re “nonplussed”. Maybe you’re inspired. Maybe you’re hesitant. Or perplexed. Try to find the word that really captures your current state. There are lots of sources that provide a wide variety of emotional labels, often called “wheel of emotions” that you could consult.

    Remember that many feelings don’t last very long. Even in the minute or two that you’re doing this mindfulness quickie, your emotional state could change slightly. Cool! Notice THAT!

    Also, keep in mind that our limbic systems never stop working. We’re always in SOME state or another. We’re never feeling NOTHING. So why not take a minute to tune into your state? Being aware beats unawareness any day of the week!

  • Mindfulness “Quickies” for the Super Busy: #2

    No time to meditate? No problem!

    Look, I’ll be honest – if you want to increase your capacities of concentration and mindfulness, you’ll have to, at some point, sit down and do some serious practice. Just as there’s no substitute for doing physical exercise for getting your body in shape, so there’s no substitute for actual meditation for getting your attention “in shape”.

    At the same time, I recognize how crazy busy many of you are. You have great difficulty in finding even 10 or 15 minutes in your day to practice. I get it. That’s why I’m offering this series of 2-minute practices, which you might consider the equivalent of a walk around the block – it won’t do much but it’s better than nothing.

    Today’s practice is super easy: when you come face to face with someone outside your home today, check out their eyes. Make eye contact, yes, but also notice something about their eyes. What colour are their eyes? Are they a little bit bloodshot, or are the whites of their eyes clear and bright? Do they have bags under their eyes? Any wrinkles, like crows’ feet? Laugh lines? How tired do their eyes look? How warm and receptive are their eyes?

    Our eyes can say a lot about what we’re living through. It’s amazing what you’ll see when you actually look for even 15 seconds. (I’m not suggesting you stare and make them uncomfortable, btw)

    That’s it! That’s the whole practice. Find someone like a server, a salesclerk, a cleaner, a bus driver, someone sitting beside you on a park bench or across from you in a meeting or on Zoom. Say hello. Then make eye contact (which you probably would do anyway) but then also really LOOK at their eyes. Really see them.

    If only for a few seconds, really see their eyes. It will be a good mindfulness practice for you, and it will make them feel seen, maybe for the first time that day.