The holiday season is upon us and for a lot of people, that can mean additional stress that, frankly, we don’t need. Typical stresses include the stress of long-standing family patterns playing out, or abandoning our diets and exercise routines, or spending money we don’t have, staying up late and over-consuming.

How can we bring a bit more mindfulness to this year’s season?

I’ll offer two tips: permission to be human, and memento mori.

Permission to be human means going into the season acknowledging that parts of it won’t go the way you want You’ll have intentions that you’ll fail to live up to. You’ll experience unwanted emotions. You may even do stuff you regret later. In other words, typical human stuff.

There can sometimes be real relief in just giving ourselves permission to be human. It can lighten the load of expectations we place on ourselves. So instead of setting the expectation that when the conversation turns to politics, you’ll bite your tongue and just nod along with everyone, set the expectation that you’ll probably jump in and speak your peace and upset a few people, but you’ll make a conscious effort to stay respectful. The first expectation is one you’re almost certain to fail to live up to. The second one is doable.

To make your holiday more mindful, then, is also to make it intentional. And setting intentions needs to be done with compassion for your all-too-human failings. If you tend to overeat, acknowledge that, and maybe set an intention to overeat just a little bit, and maybe to eat less at other meals, and maybe to go for walks after meals. Working WITH our nature rather than AGAINST it can make a world of difference.

The second tip is memento mori, the Stoic expression for remembering that death is our constant companion on this earth. It’s not the happiest topic for the holidays, but remembering that this COULD be your last one can really amp up your appreciation, your gratitude, and especially your tolerance for other people’s annoying habits.

For example, let’s say you have a family member who typically drinks too much and gets loud and obnoxious, and this really bothers you. Simply remembering that this could be the last time that the two of you will be together can help you relax and accept them for who and what they are. Maybe you’ll appreciate some of their other qualities. And more importantly, you’ll let them be exactly who they actually are, rather than who you wish they were.

Or maybe the turkey will be overcooked, like it always is, and you hate dry, rubbery turkey. Memento mori means this could be the last time you ever get to eat it. Maybe you’ll taste it more. Maybe you’ll appreciate the side dishes and the condiments more. Maybe you’ll appreciate the efforts of whoever cooked it, knowing that at least they made the effort and took the time.

You don’t need to be morose about memento mori. Just remember that EVERY holiday season is a gift. You’re here! You made it another year. The Fates granted you one more holiday season. Are you grateful for it? Can you use the power of your attention to really appreciate all that it offers? Can you see it as a chance to tell the people you love that you love them? A chance that there was never a guarantee that you would get to have this year, and yet you do have it.

Remember that what you choose to shine the light of attention on can greatly change your experience of any situation, including the holidays. Shine the light on the simple gift of just being here and sharing moments with loved ones – I think that will be enough mindfulness practice until next year. Happy holidays!